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September 15th, 2009
08:00 pm
In the end math was still screwed. I could do a total of about 20-30 marks out of 100, and I'm not sure if I'll even get what I think I'll get. But oh well, life goes on. It's just the prelims, and besides... I expected this.
Right now though, I'm contemplating whether to get rest, or stay up till 2.40 to watch the Man Utd vs Besiktas game. Considering that history is tomorrow, I might just get away with that, but complacency can kill, as seen in my math paper. So well shall see. If you see me tomorrow looking absolutely tired, then well... I can kiss history goodbye. But I'm really Man Utd's good luck charm. Other than the Champions League Final and the Liverpool game, all Man Utd matches I watched ended in wins.
So we shall see
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September 13th, 2009
07:32 pm
In your life, there will come to a time where you realise no matter how hard you try, you're still going to screw something up. So the thing is whether to continue trying or give up. Now it really depends on what it is.
Right now for me, the thing is math. So I berate myself for starting on the Prelim package only 3 weeks before the math paper. On a scale of one to ten on the suicide chart, that's a 10.5. It's practically impossible to finish the package in 2 months, much less a week. And how stupid I was, choosing to do nothing over doing math. Well it did seem a tempting option at that time.
The fact that I'm blogging here right now shows you the extent to which my math is "savable". It's beyond savable. But am I going to give up? NO! I'm gonna say "YES WE CAN! YES WE CAN! YES WE CAN!" Oh wait. "YES I CAN! YES I CAN!"
If only math was as simple as believing in yourself. In fact if everything was as simple as believing in yourself, I would be Masi Oka now, close my eyes, travel back 2 months and do my math Prelim package. But things are not that simple. So that said, so long online haven, I'm off to give math one last chance. Or well, I think math should give me a chance.
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September 9th, 2009
08:25 pm
5 days to Prelims at full blast and neither am I ready nor am I looking forward to it.
Well I can't really believe that the bulk of my education is going to be over in about 3 months. Seems quite hard to believe cause this year has just gone by in a flash. Come to think about it, if every year passes as fast as this, then growing up and growing old doesn't seem that far away does it?
Past few days have been rather boring though. Tuition, lectures, mock papers (yeah tell me about it) and of course, studies. I don't know about most other people, but in the past few days I've been at home, I've studied more than I would in say, 2 weeks of school. Has it been productive? I don't think so, and that goes to show how much I've been studying on a daily basis. And this is the stage we see people get real stressed out, and some others jump off buildings in hope of becoming a spirit slayer.
If you haven't heard about it, it means that you haven't been reading the newspapers. Apparently, 2 boys jumped off a building cause they thought it was their calling to die and become spirit slayers or something. And get this, they were self-taught mediums. Well, sorry to mock the dead, but their practically the epitome of sillyness. This is Singapore. The only calling any teenager has is to study his or her ass off and be useful to society. Why? It's cause this is a meritocratic society.
Meritocracy sounds good? Well, grades define you. Your future is determined by a piece of paper with a rubber seal from Cambridge. It's that damn sad. I'm not a fan of the system, but I can't do anything about it. Now we're studying for a piece of paper so we can continue on to study for more pieces of paper so we can work for more pieces of paper (or maybe plastic now) and then contribute to society. Stop and think. The point of the above being?
I don't know about you, but the future looks grim to me. A levels in about 2-3 months, national service in less than half a year, then more studies in university, then out in the working world where by then, GST will probably be at about 10%, ERP at about 4-5 bucks per passing of the gantry, COE at about half the price of the car, bus rides at 4 bucks, taxi rides with surcharges of 10 bucks past midnight and 4 bucks per entry, rising property prices, price of oil hitting ridiculous prices, each tank refill costing about $150, inflation, unemployment.
Sure, scorn me. I'm a cynic and a skeptic. But it's not impossible. Or maybe I'm just stressed. So go ahead dismiss this as a mere ranting of "mountain-out-of-a-molehill" proportions till what I said really happens. Till then, you'll find me slaving over differentiation.
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September 8th, 2009
09:47 pm
Message from Math Teacher about Math Prelim Structure (note the bold portion)
Paper 1: 100% Pure Mathematics
Paper 2: 40% Pure Mathematics
40% Statistics
Oh what irony
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September 3rd, 2009
09:20 pm
holy crap I just finished my H3!!!!!!111!!!oneone!!!!!!
okay now GP tomorrow.
I dont know whether to laugh or to cry.
Current Mood: accomplished
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September 2nd, 2009
09:55 pm
alright.
To-do-list (in order of priority)
1) H3 - a major pain in the ass. High investment, low dividends but too late to back out with the deadline in about 3 weeks. Not even done with my first draft and that screams SCREWED!
2) Math - so yeah i got a B for blocks. That was Blocks. So by right i should get a P for Prelims and an A for A levels right? At the rate i'm going struggling with question 1 of integration; WRONG
3) Exercise - I've been exercising. Oh boy yes I have. I exercised more times in these past two weeks that I did for the last month. But you can't get too much exercise. Unless you're having a severely clogged artery coupled with heart problems that is. Surprisingly for me though, exercise is higher on the list than other seemingly more important things like "Chemistry", "Econs", "History" and more importantly "get a respectable tan". Though I might want to exercise before i go for "get a respectable tan". That said.....
4) Chemistry and Econs - surprise surprise, Chem and Econs are placed in the same ranking. It's either cause I'm supremely confident for both, or I think I'm gonna screw up. Right now, the latter seems like the one that'll pass the lie detector test.
5) History - no prizes for guessing which history (SEA or Intl) is above the other in priority. History is my best subject. Then again I thought i was pretty good at GP untill i go a 23/50 for my essay. So the GP essay woke me up. Sadly, not for GP. It woke me up for history and I thought to myself, "I had better start working on my history lest I start thinking Sukarno was a tiger cage cleaner in the Singapore Zoological Gardens and Aung San owns a beer company in Central Thailand"
6) Sleep - I am a guy who truly believes sleep is important the way Liverpool fans believe they can actually win a title. Fanatical. While the former is true, the latter is a moot point. In fact, the latter isn't really a moot point. It's gone wayyy past "moot" and straight to "a snowball's chance in hell". Oh what was I saying? Yeah I need sleep.
7) Get a new jacket - As of right now, the only jacket I have is an oversized (and I really mean oversized) jacket that could double as my blanket. You might think that's good but with all the cold air trapped inside the jacket, it's like a bloody ice box you use to store drinks on the drive to Malaysia. In addition, the school hall is a tremendously cold place. In fact, when at its full, it's like Alaska + the South Pole rolled into one multiplied by the number of Pandas in China. So I need a jacket. If anyone's reading this, I'm thinking of a black Adidas. I'm probably a size L. Thanks in advance
8) Wrist Exercises - Do not underestimate the importance of the wrist. On the whole I have a copious amount of essays to write. 8 for history, 5 for econs, 1 for GP. Now that's just the Prelims. So multiply that by two cause I have to take the A levels. Now any seasoned essay writer will know that - especially for history - by the time you reach the middle of your second essay, your wrist hurts. By the middle of your third, you hand starts convulsing unwillingly. By the end of the third, you experience the onset of Parkinson's disease. By the middle of the fourth essay (assuming you even reach the fourth essay) you don't feel anything in your wrist. By the end of the paper, you can't poke the bloody string into the hole (on the paper dammit) cause your hand's shaking like Tom Hanks in Saving Private Ryan. In fact that was an understatement. So wrist exercises will come in handy so strengthen your wrist muscles so you only start convulsing at the end of the third essay rather than the middle of it.
9) Buy a smooth pen - That said, I need to buy a smooth pen. Not smooth on the outside. I mean a smooth writing pen. Oh wait. I just bought one today. Okay strike this out.
10) Double Boiled Chicken's Essence - When Utt did the Brands Chicken's Essence commercial and could remember so many useless facts, he's not kidding. So I was thinking that probably a Double Boiled Chicken's Essence would do the trick for me. That way I'll remember how many planes were destroyed in the Six Day War (500 planes), how many Israeli soldiers died (777) and how much of Palestinian land was conquered (about 21000 sq km). Thing is, like Utt, these are UTTerly useless information (mind the pun there). But still, wouldn't harm yourself to know more stuff right? It could be useful if they have a GP question on war.
11) Go for the exam - This is either for Prelims or A levels. Don't laugh cause people can actually not go for the exam.
12) Bring my entry proof - So i don't need to pay 10 bucks and queue alongside 200 other idiots who also forgot to bring their entry proof
13) Set up a counter to print entry proofs - So business only comes once a year. But so what? 200 idiots will forget their entry proof. The school will charge them 10 bucks. So all I need to do is charge 7 bucks, apply a bit of Price War concepts and get rich for doing nothing!
14) Celebrate - After the A levels, I recommend celebration. Sorry Physics people, I'll be celebrating 7 days before you guys. HA!
15) Do your bloody work la - Instead of writing on Livejournal, I should actually be doing my work.
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alright peace out
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/classic/smile.gif) amused
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August 30th, 2009
07:18 pm
Well it's 4 days to the start of prelims. I won't really say I'm ready, but I can safely say I can smell the end of A levels coming round the corner. Well, for that matter I can smell the stench of A levels as well.
You know about 1 month ago I probably wouldn't have looked forward to the end of school cause I thought I would miss my friends and my classmates but I can say the same now. I guess I would miss some of them, but sigh I just feel like we're drifting further apart as a class. Perhaps it's just me alone, and if it is, perhaps it's a sign that I don't fit in?
But to me it's some more than others, and perhaps I might be a tad oversensitive and it may not be true. To be honest I really, really hope it isn't true. Here I am hoping that perhaps it's the stress that's getting to everyone, and maybe that's why some are becoming colder. But why do I feel that the coldness is directed to me? And I really should not be bothered by it considering I don't have any "emotional ties", shall we say, to some people but I mean, friends are friends and it sucks when something like this happens.
And it's not really a good climate for me as well. Frankly I'm someone who is very easily affected by others' emotions and feelings. When I see a friend who isn't feeling too good, I kinda get affected as well. And what more this? It's sapping me dry and I've been sapped for weeks now. I don't know if I've done anything so the person and I don't think I'll even dare to ask.
I really do love my class, no question about that. But at this rate, I'm not sure I can say that anymore.
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/classic/sad.gif) melancholy
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August 28th, 2009
10:36 pm
walau. everything sucks.
Current Mood: sad
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August 24th, 2009
08:54 pm
I was thinking about a few things while recalling the crucifixion of Christ. And I was brought to the thief right beside Jesus. I know everytime we think about the crucifixion we think about salvation and how God himself came down to die for our sins. But i was thinking about the thief right beside him.
Beside Jesus while He was crucified were two thieves. And we all know one of them went to heaven. Let me narrate it for you:
Imagine Jesus on the cross, scorned and shamed before man. Historians have proven that the cross (contrary to popular belief) was at a height people could reach. So it wasn't so high up. And imagine the mob below, many called for Jesus' death. Many were even spitting at Him. In one corner we have the Pharaciees delighting in Jesus' suffering. Right below him we have the soldiers gambling his clothes away. And beside Jesus we have another thief scorning him saying "Aren't you the Christ? Save yourself and us!". Now this is interesting, because a man of sin, a man hanging beside Him dying, even a man like him scorns Jesus.
But amidst the scorn and insult, we see in Luke "But the other criminal rebuked him. "Don't you fear God," he said, "since you are under the same sentence? We are punished justly, for we are getting what our deeds deserve. But this man has done nothing wrong."
Amidst the crowd, a thief speaks out.
And I think about us. How many of us dare to speak out amidst a world that scorns our Lord? Do we dare to stand out and speak out against persecution against our brothers and sisters, and against our faith? In fact, let's keep this simple. How many of us dare to say we believe in the Lord Jesus? Here we see a thief, one who a moment was probably scorning Jesus himself, speaking out and defending Jesus. What more us? Should we not learn from a thief who did not know the Lord as we know Him now?
Do not be ashamed for the Lord your God, but in all things, keep Him in mind and live through Him, glorifying Him in all that you do.
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August 20th, 2009
10:13 pm
this is the time i'm supposed to be the closest to my class. But i feel i'm drifting away from them. I just dont feel so close to them anymore and that sucks
On top of that, i just hate the way i'm treated as a "friend" when people need me to do stuff and when i'm not needed i'm forgotten and they fly off to other people they consider friends. I seriously do get this feeling. And i mean, it's compounded by the fact that I actually go out of the way to help people. I like to help people if i have the ability to, but somehow that's just being made use of by so many people, some of them i treat as my closer friends. And i honestly doubt they treat me as a friend at all. Perhaps I'm more of like some convenient saikang guy they can throw stuff at.
and the worse thing is i just can't stop helping them
screw it
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August 17th, 2009
08:22 pm
i'm tired because i slept at 2. I had fun yesterday and i hope the people did too haha. I pissed someone off today. I'm sorry. You don't even know my blog too.
I need to control my anger and stop shooting my mouth off
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August 10th, 2009
02:21 pm - if you still come here
Well, I'm assuming that you're not still going to my blogger. If you are reading this and you don't understand what I'm saying then obviously I'm not talking to you. I'm talking to the "you" and understands what I'm typing now.
Duh
Okay back to what i was saying. Actually, this won't take long. Few points for you.
1) I really really really really really really really really really don't know what to do with you la. Seriously.
2) If you think I don't wanna talk to you, its not true
3) I just can't think of what to say
4) But don't worry i'm not angry/sad/unhappy/(insert any negative stuff)
5) And seriously, you know me. If I really can't think of what to say, I say nothing.
6) BUT. I'll learn.
7) So pardon me for that.
8) Yep, sorry for not talking.
hope you got that. If you're not sure if i'm talking about you, sms me to ask. Yeah anybody who thinks i'm talking about you can sms me to ask. If you're wrong i'll say "nooooooooo" like Russel Peters. If you're right i'l say "yesssssssssss" like.... uh.. Jim Carrey in Yes Man.
yep okay that's all
Happy no-more-national-day-for-364-days Day!
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August 6th, 2009
07:55 pm
got some big surprise today when i came home and saw a letter from the Air Force on my table. I read it and i thought they wanted me to join the Air Force for my NS. Then smsed Luther and Zhen Rui to tell them. But i realised after reading a bit closer that it was some lame attempt to get me to sign on.
So much for all my excitement
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August 4th, 2009
07:47 pm
i'm like on the verge of getting ill. I'm kind of neither here nor there, kinda like either on the verge of recovery or just about to get slammed by some gigantic illness. Got a slight sore throat, a bit of giddiness, an occasional fever.
better get well soon! can't afford to miss any lessons now
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August 2nd, 2009
07:17 pm
walau. i have to stop cheating myself already la. Just cause the ice cream is yogurt ice cream, and it says low fat, doesn't mean it has no sugar and no fat!
have to stop man.
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July 27th, 2009
07:20 pm - "i do believe; help me overcome my unbelief"
Faith is an amazing word, because you cannot explain it in its entirety. We try our best to describe it as say "believing without really seeing" while those who are slightly more cynical may delve more into the "blind faith" aspect of faith. I was rather uncertain about "faith" and now i think i still am
See as a Christian, faith is all we have. We can't even dig out Noah's Ark, let alone prove how the sun stood still for Joshua or how God exists in three persons. Why we can't prove though, we can explain. Cause a God that supposedly created knowledge cannot be bounded by knowledge itself can it? So what I have as a Christian is faith.
I believe that I am saved, by the very virtue that I know Jesus died and rose from the dead from my sins.
That's where the problem lies. How do I "know" Jesus died and rose from the dead? In fact, how do I "know" that Jesus walked the earth? Or that He was both Man and God at the same time? Faith's the word. But the thing is I do not know that I know. And I doubt that I know.
This is probably the same thing in Mark 9, where we get a picture of a child who is demon possessed from birth, and his father sees Jesus and asked Jesus to cast the demon out. But it's interesting to note that his man tells Jesus to cast the demon out "if you can". He knows that Jesus has the power to cast out demons, but the word "if" connotes doubt in something that he should truly believe. The interesting part about this passage comes in Mark 9:24, where it says "Immediately the boy's father exclaimed, 'I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!'"
Now wait. He believes but still needs Jesus to help him overcome his unbelief?
Well I guess all Christians suffer from this same dilemma, myself included. We know that faith can move mountains, and that only by faith can Jesus work. But say we're faced with a problem, and we turn to Him, we doubt He can help us. We think of the "what ifs". "What if He doesn't help us?", "What if He intends for us to go through something?", "What if it's intended to be a trial?" what if, what if, what if. We fail to understand we are guarded by a Most High God, one who keeps us under His wings and carries us. Young man may stumble and grow weary but with Him, we are made strong. So there is in fact nothing He cannot do.
So given this, faith should not be a problem. We should be able to fully place our lives in Him and trust Him to help us in our problems. But we can't because as fallable Man, we doubt. So why not call upon the Lord to help us overcome our unbelief, to draw on His strength so that we may be made complete in Him? Because it is only through Him that we can be still in His grace
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July 25th, 2009
08:18 pm
I GOT NEW SHOES HAHAHAHEHEHEHOHOHO WHEE!
okay now i have 5 pairs wth
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July 24th, 2009
09:06 pm
i have this bad feeling something, uh bad is gonna happen.
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July 23rd, 2009
09:10 pm
been getting a little too moody and angry over little stuff for my own good. Guess i've better learn to keep myself in check, especially these few days. Kinda exploded a few times when i shouldn't have and i normally don't explode. So yes, mental note to self: keep calm
well i got my grades back. I know the teachers always say that when you get an E or S its fine cause by prelims you'll be up to a C and by A levels hopefully an A. But seriously i don't buy that. Fine, granted that practically three quarters of the school is like that, taking away the muggers, the SMTPs, and those who can't be bothered. But i don't think i wanna take a risk like that with my grades. It's good to get an A once to assure yourself that you can actually do well in the A levels rather than going into the exam hall with the hope that your D or E may become an A.
well whatever it is, BCCDE is not too bad for BT2 i guess. Definitely better than my BT1 cause i didn't fail anything this time, though i am kinda stunned by the fact that my math totally pwned my history wth. If i keep this up, i just might be able to get at least 3 As for A levels. fingers crossed of course. Need to continue working and doing my H3 at the same time argh
sidenote: i NEED to catch Public Enemies. its not a want, it's a need. Johnny Depp! whoo!
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July 22nd, 2009
06:50 pm
i feel significantly happier today, but still feel kinda uptight about H3. Well i do regret taking it, but now that i've paid for the paper, i'll just have to take it anyway. That would mean less sleep, more researching, and less TV. Fortunately, Prison Break is ending today so i should have more time to do my paper. But then again, there's still CSI and Heroes to steal my time
Bryan you need to focus!
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doorwayofmymind's journal